Belfast Blogger

The press and political community in Northern Ireland has been thrown into turmoil by shocking revelations involving Ian Paislely jnr MLA.

In a series of exhaustive reports both print and broadcast media have been reporting stunning allegations suggesting that, despite the Assembly being suspended, the MLA (known as “junior” or “waste of big Ian’s spunk”) had been doing part of the job he was being been paid to do.

“This makes us look like fools, ” raged “special investigations” correspondents across all of the North’s papers and press agencies. “For years we were feeding the line that these guys were a bunch of work-shy layabouts. Now we discover one of them was actually writing letters on behalf of his constitutents, like a proper politician!”

“If we find out other MLAs were doing the same, ” the reporter’s voice quivered, “we might actually have to do work like proper journalists ourselves. Then we’re fecked.”

Fear has also mounted amongst other MLAs, who had been doing their best to live up to their voters’ expectations by scratching their arses for the suspension years.

“Its the end of the gravy train if one of us was actually working during suspension, ” wailed one. “We’re not taking this lying down though. We’re working with the media to smear this industrious bastard and make sure none of us have to work again.”

Junior himself has been showing the strain. Under pressure during a live television interview, he said that he “knew of” working but failed to indicate exactly how hard he had been doing his job.