Belfast Blogger

Sinn Fein have slammed the Government’s decision to close Post Offices in Northern Ireland, claiming that the ex-terrorist community will be hardest hit by the branch closures.

“It takes a long time for people to get ‘weaned off’ active service, and its a disgrace that the British Government is taken this decision with no idea of its impact,” said in-no-way-former-terrorist-or-terrorist-representative Francie Molloy, Sinn Fein MLA. 

“Post Offices play a valuble role in isolated areas, providing a source of income and a gentle form of therapy for former volunteers who, whilst they aren’t bombing and shooting anymore, still need the thrill of holding up a counter and making off with thousands in used notes, ” he continued.  “Sure its only a wee bit of money, and its a victimless activity.”

The news will also worry ex-IRA treasurers, who had been hoping to use Post Offices to fill the large gap in the organisation’s pension fund caused by the failure of the Northern Bank robbery.  Reports however that, in desperation, raids have been planned on the dinner money of Northern Irish schoolkids have been denied by Education Minister, Catroina Ruane.