F’n Madness altogether
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Archive for March, 2006
I don’t usualy lift stuff but Alex King has a great blog and has alot to do with the Belfast Blogger chassis. Cheers
alexking.org: Blog
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Bushcronium.
Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an Atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Bushcronium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.�
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element which radiates orders of magnitude, more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.
Never mind swanning around Washington, where a “President” can’t tell his greens from his emeralds. I was involved in a real Paddys day in Sandinos bar in Derry. Continue reading ‘A real St Paddys’
The moronic rush to gain headlines, irrespective of newsworthiness, continues. Following on from their counterparts in the “moderate but ignored” category of Northern Ireland politics the SDLP, through Eddie “genius” McGrady, have decided to call for the British to make St Paddys a public holiday in the North.
One slight problem Ed… they already have! How can these people say such nonsense? And how can anyone vote for a party that doesn’t check basic facts? No wonder people vote for anti-agreement parties. Who wants people like this actually having a say in our affairs?
In a desperate attempt to gain headlines, the UUP have decided to start stating the bleeding obvious.
After Fred Cobain called the Policing Board a “quango”, we can reveal the UUP’s hard hitting attempts to get headlines over the next few weeks.Â
These include traumatic announcements like…
SHOCK!!! - Boiling water is hot to touch
HORROR!!! - Pope occasionally says catholic mass
DISASTER!!! - Bears really do defecate in woods
Earlier attempts to gain attention by stating that the party was holding internal discussions on the Policing Board did not produce the hoped for result.
“We were only the top story on BBCNI online news for a few hours,” sighed a party insider to a disinterested dog sniffing another one’s arse. “In the old days Noel Thompson used to cover our internal discussions live from the Waterfront. Now we can’t get above a bit of strong wind in the headlines.”
Professional cowboy hat wearer (and part-time US President) George W Bush is meeting IRA victims rather than NI politicians this St Patrick’s Day. Anyone betting on how long it will take Sinn Fein to comment on this story? Bet its not before the leaders celebrate their Irishness by flying 3000 miles away to a different country on St Paddy’s. Ah, but there’s dollars to be had!
Sometimes the stories just write themselves… how many ways can you say hypocrites?
An article in the Belfast Telegraph tells of The Blanket and its plans to publish the infamous Muslim Cartoons. According to the Tele, Ulster Muslims are outraged.
We linked to all the cartoons a few weeks ago, when the story was hot, so anyone who wants to get offended quicker can check out our post on the subject.
Belfast Blogger - insulting you first!
Well-known leprachaun Bertie Ahern has once again revealed the whereabouts of a big pot marked “fully functioning Agreement”, full of gold and American and EU bribes.
“I’m tellin ye’s, I’m not lying dis time, ” to-be-sured Bertie, in trademark green hat and tiny boots. “Its just over dere, at de end of de beautiful spring rainbow. Ye’s will find it just before dat big sun, or some Orange ting anyway, comes in and wrecks de rainbow for another year. But I’m warning ye’s, ye’ll have de share it or it’ll disappear forever!”
Not everyone is happy with the little fella’s comments. Sinn Fein have said they don’t want to go all the way to the end of the rainbow, cos they’ve been there before and had the gold snatched away. They demand the pot should be here and now.Â
The DUP have stated that they don’t want to go along a rainbow with so much green in it, until the green is as reliable as the other colours of the spectrum. They’d like to try a green-free rainbow shadow first, just to be sure.
The UUP and SDLP probably said something too, but nobody listened or cared.
So a new round of talks have started, focussing once again on attempts to get Sinn Fein and the DUP in the same executive.
In many respects, of course, there’s nothing between the parties. They’re both strongly nationalist with a small n, they’re suspicious of the European Union and they believe they’re both on a great crusade with right on they’re side. They also both revel in hypocrisy with the best of the them. Continue reading ‘Hypocrisy Special!’
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