Diane Dodds, DUP councillor on the Shankill Road, has reacted angrily to the decision to build a block of luxury flats in the area.
“We in the upper reaches of the DUP have spent years keeping loyalist people in poverty and ignorance, ” said Mrs Dodds, who was on the way to the bank to cash her husband’s first monthly pay packet of £9166.
“After all, this is the only way they’d believe that, despite all the social deprivation in the area, the most important thing in their lives is a having a British passport. And we’ve been laughing all the way to the ballot box, and the bank, ever since!”
“When they see how well off other people in Northern Ireland are, right on their own doorsteps, they might ask whether we should have been doing something more important over the last 30 years than stopping road signs going up in Irish. It must be stopped!” she concluded before speeding off to her own, non-working class, home.
Sinn Fein have slammed the Government’s decision to close Post Offices in Northern Ireland, claiming that the ex-terrorist community will be hardest hit by the branch closures.
“It takes a long time for people to get ‘weaned off’ active service, and its a disgrace that the British Government is taken this decision with no idea of its impact,” said in-no-way-former-terrorist-or-terrorist-representative Francie Molloy, Sinn Fein MLA.
“Post Offices play a valuble role in isolated areas, providing a source of income and a gentle form of therapy for former volunteers who, whilst they aren’t bombing and shooting anymore, still need the thrill of holding up a counter and making off with thousands in used notes, ” he continued. “Sure its only a wee bit of money, and its a victimless activity.”
The news will also worry ex-IRA treasurers, who had been hoping to use Post Offices to fill the large gap in the organisation’s pension fund caused by the failure of the Northern Bank robbery. Reports however that, in desperation, raids have been planned on the dinner money of Northern Irish schoolkids have been denied by Education Minister, Catroina Ruane.
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